If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
