Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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