Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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