I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
