No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
