yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
