If that was your dad, he is hot
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
