Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
