when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
