saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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