I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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