So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
