It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize