planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
