I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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