I am spending my child support on dildos
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
