She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
