He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
