I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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