You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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