Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
