but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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