In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
