based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
high people should be assigned attendants
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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