my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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