Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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