I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
