so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Randomize
