What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
