well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
