U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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