Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
