Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
