I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
