Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
