k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
