i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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