she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
and you fell through a lawn chair
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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