i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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