I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
