Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
