I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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