xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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