"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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