And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
In other news, I just burned my penis
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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