woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
