somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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