So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
