Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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