Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
