The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
