i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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