genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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