My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
