Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
