she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
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