you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
