I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
