I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
