I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
