dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
