Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
MIDGETS
????
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
