dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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