I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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